variations

dear home doctor:

what is causing my grout to have variations in color? am i seeing things?  just sign me, 

— concerned or color blind

dear concerned,

uneven grout color is not uncommon - but i can see here you have a big, big problem. have you considered moving?  if moving is not an option, i will review for you the possible causes of such an unsightly mess, with the hopes that you can remedy it post haste!

possible causes, as suggested by the brotherhood of tile people, local 32  include:

- failure to slake the grout
- improper joint packing
- using unclean water
- defective grout

while these suggestions are to be expected, there are some causes that they seem to have overlooked. these include:

- not considering the effect of the dopler shift when traveling at a speed of 18.55 miles per second around the sun. at this speed there would naturally be a color shift while grouting 

- insufficient water-to-twinkie ratio

- gremlins

- the electrical panel that makes me look fat

- more fodder for the next i-love-lucy episode, where lucy tries to hide the flaws from ricky by trying to dance in his next big show at the club

- we are being spoken to: if you look closely, i believe one can see a vague outline of an autonomous omnipotent being...

without further study, it is difficult to say. but our man, dan, from tek tile is on the case and i'm sure he will get the kitchen back on track in no time at all. until then, carpe cerevisi!  (seize the beer!)

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